Lead with Intention, not fear.

As I listen to Darren Hayes, I reflect on this past weekend, and I realize it was filled with fear. This fear reaches deep within my heart, grabs a hold of it and squeezes it into a ball of confusion, insecurity, self-doubt and pain. 2012 and the start and peak of my Saturn Return have been this endless realization [and] struggle with the ‘self.’ Some of the questions that have been arising for me in the last two years have been the following: am I good enough? Where am I headed? What am I doing, who am I? Do I make a difference? Do I bring value? I am tired of it.

In my interactions, fear arose this weekend both in my relationship with my boyfriend and in my professional career.  This fear grabs me and forces me into this ball of confusion, causing words to become unclear, communication compromised, and a space where I Jodet, get lost…forgotten, and in turn become dishonest in my responses.

I am a great communicator, that girl who puts a smile on people’s faces, and who embodies the mission of creating positive human connections at work, daily. Communication is not the problem in this equation. People love me.

It’s fear. Fear that takes over and takes life in the form of a girl who can’t express what she wants. Fear in the form of abandonment. 

Goodbye mr.fear, your time has come to leave.

So much of my life is spent accommodating others, that’s how I try to make a difference in people’s lives.  I forget that people will respect me more if I speak my truth, not because I maintain the peace, the quiet, and live life pretending I am fine. This doesn’t teach anyone anything, and it certainly does not help anyone grow. The only way one will bring VALUE to what he/she has to say is if they speak their truth, remembering not to compromise what is most important. In my life, I value openness, focus, love, integrity, fairness & energy. I want to stay true to all of this.

I know that the path to growing up, becoming confident, and bringing what the world needs most of you to fruition is not an easy-etched…path. Someone gave me valuable insight about the painful reality of coming into my own this weekend: She said, “Own all of it.” By all of it, she meant the pain, the fear, the struggle, the triumph, the confusion, and even the sadness. It’s all mine. The truth is, it may well easily take me a while to overcome all of this, but at least I realize it all at 29. And for that, I am grateful.

In other words, from this day forward, I want to try and live my life being honest and without compromise of the values I feel are the most important to me. I’m worth it and my heart is worth the hard work. After all, it’s the only one I have.

So in the meantime, my mantra to anyone reading this is:

Say it loudly, say it clearly, say it confidently & say it with intention. The rest will come.

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This woman takes vintage to a whole new level…

stunning...

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as the lights come down, it begins again…

So…

I had to repost a portion of this note from last year because it resonates with me….especially where I am in my life right now, at 28. Changing….every moment, every day.

Funny how life reminds me of the ever-changing world of the tea gardens. As the seasons change, they change, the leaves change, the experience changes (in your cup). Much like tea, we do the same. We grow, we evolve, we change: our experiences, our partners, our hair-styles, our image, our jobs, our life styles. It’s an endless season. As me, I have always longed for and pursued change in my life, always, and yet I am terrified of it. New beginnings are both beautiful, scary, and inevitable-yes-in every form. Ah…

But often enough we forget while we must learn to honor the impermanence of such beginnings, we too must learn to truly appreciate the moment to moment, as it comes, as it goes. Otherwise, we get caught up in the change, in the motions of things. Getting tangled in my own web of ‘growing pains and change’ and ‘personal head trip,’ I had for a minute forgotten how valuable these moments were in my life. I’d like to think of myself as an optimist, always seeing the cup half full, but a part of the ‘self’ lost this gift this year. My meditation retreat at the Vipassana Center of North Fork truly shifted this perspective for me. I realized a valuable ‘something’; my life ‘as it is’ is beautiful. Yes it will change, yes it might not be pleasant all the time, yes, it might hurt, but this moment is crucial and it will only happen once.

We don’t realize how blessed we are, while we are sitting through some form of discomfort in our lives….waiting for something different to manifest; something pleasant, when really, it’s right here, now…even in the discomfort of it all, there’s a beautiful gift- an experience unfolding. Why not see it, breathe into it, truly watch it pass in awareness and appreciation?

While I have had a semi-difficult year (i’d like to call it ‘the battle with my ego’), mending and bending through the seasons of change, more and more I realize how grateful I am for everything and everyone in my life. A relentless laugh, a kiss from a love, a smile, a moment with a complete stranger, a yoga class, a compliment from a best friend, a nice cup of tea, a good book, a meditation retreat. This is some of what matters to me.

Thank you to all of you who have helped contribute to helping me re-spark my love for the trivial things in my own life, for they do make a difference. I know this because I see a difference in myself. The moment I stop worrying about change and consuming myself with holding on to what I have-the perceptions, fears, insecurities, doubts-the calmer my mind is, and the more peaceful i am be-coming. It’s a life-long process and by all means, I’m not saying I have mastered the art of living, but i know this much; i am on the right path.

We are so caught up in trying to get to the next moment, the next step, the next job, the next….something, that we forget we are and can be everything to ourselves and those around us, right now.

This ‘slow down,’ while a hit to my ego as i thought, has really helped me realize how i can be that much more aware, that much more loving, that much more grateful, that much more excited each moment–to others and to myself. This may just be a moment of inspiration back from a 10 day silent retreat, but I am going to soak it up. Oh, but there is nothing to fix, really…

I am learning this, slowly but surely. Thank you to all of you for being amazing motivations and blessings in my life.

i love all of you. ❤ Jodet

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Dear world, it’s me Jodet…

As one of my new years resolutions, I told myself, I would be more expressive, whether through my actions or through my words. For me to be less in my head, yet staying inspired and continuing to inspire, I decided I would start a blog. I wanted to create a place in which I can share my thoughts–the confusion, the happiness, the fear, the excitement, and the curiosity. This is the place.

I have always had a passion for the spoken word, from the age of twelve. I wrote my first short story called “Why Do Zebra’s Have Stripes” in the third grade. I studied journalism and did reporting for many years; from covering runaway kids to city hall ordinances and madness’. Writing was a part of me, always. So that being said, who am I today?

Why have I stopped writing? I’ve decided as a way for me to continue to get to know myself better and to maintain my passion for journalism and for writing, to continue to express myself in a new way; a way that is foreign to me, a way that is new yet exciting. And this is the way.

I will be sharing the experiences and trials and tribulations that come with being 28, as my search for a new career approaches. But on a deeper level,  I will be sharing my experiences that which come with getting to better know myself as the year progresses. For me, I have made this year, the year of self discovery. And in the easiest and most fluid way possible, this is a way for me to get to know myself, and for those who take interest in my life, to get to know me. I hope we can celebrate this mystery we call life, together through this space.

love, jodet

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